Sunday, January 30, 2005

Hot Sauce!

Death's Door posts a complaint about the crazy things things that happen to us guys. What really got me about the whole story was that I could actually feel the stubbed toe and the burning dick when he was talking about them. Man, we've all been there.

And once things start to go wrong, they seem to just keep going that way.

I remember a couple of Christmases ago, my father in law got a bottle of hot sauce from one of his daughters. The man loves hot sauce.

This stuff was called "Dave's Insanity Sauce" and billed itself as the "hottest sauce in the universe." Not in the world, mind you, in the freaking universe! I read the ingredients to satisfy my curiosity about what could make it the hottest sauce in the universe.

Pepper was about four ingredients down the list. How damned hot could it be? I unscrewed the cap, dabbed a little on my index finger and gave it a lick. I have to say, those guys weren't lying. That shit was hot. I re-read the ingredients and saw that pepper extract was the fourth ingredient on the list. They took everything that was mean and evil about that pepper, extracted it from the chaff and dribbled it into that little bottle with a little salt and vinegar to dilute it.

George is watching my antics with amusement and reaches over and picks up the bottle. He follows my lead with a dab on the index finger. A couple of licks and a thoughful pause before he takes another dab and a few more licks. Next thing I know he's racing into the kitchen and chugging milk straight out of the gallon jug.

About this time, daughter says she's going home, so he walks her to the door and before I know it he comes running in and straight for the bathroom. He's in there for quite a while before he emerges looking as if he'd gotten the bad end of an ass whooping.

"I rubbed my eye," he muttered in response to my "Y'allright?"

1 comment:

Biff Loman said...

Well, at least, he didn't rub his eye while he was taking a piss. Had he the misfortunate of doing that, the final line of that blog entry would've been, "In the end, he was just begging to die."