Circa Bellum

Blanche, buh bye...

2010-11-09T13:14:00.000-08:00

The sad thing? The people of Arkansas are slow to anger and quick to forgive, they would have put up with almost anything Blanche Lincoln has done over the years to us. But when she lied to us about the health care bill and voted for something that 64% of her constituents screamed, "No, Blanche, No!", she literally threw her political career out of the window. I won't miss Blanche and her dismissive attitude. Next up? Mark Pryor...

Dear Blanche Lincoln

2009-10-27T06:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Mrs. Lincoln,

No "opt-in," no "opt-out." No public option, no socialized medicine. This congress has used up all of its credibility lying to us about the healthcare issues and trying to ram down our throats the things we don't want. Vote NO, Mrs. Lincoln, NO.

Insurance companies make obscene profits: Lie, NY Times reports average 2.2%, way down the list under even Clorox bleach in profitability.

People are dying with no insurance: Lie. Healthcare is available to all in any emergency room in the country.

30 million Americans are without insurance: Lie. Your solution is to automatically enroll those that don't want to be part of your government plan.

Stop trying to ruin our healthcare and take a leadership role: Introduce REAL legislation that allows health insurance sales across state lines like auto insurance. Allow non-profit organizations to offer insurance plans to their members. Go after the real greedy villains in this equation: tort reform/loser pays.

Represent Arkansas for a change, Mrs. Lincoln. You made it clear how you really feel about us when you shut out everyone but the public option folks from your so called "on line town hall meeting on health care."

Observations on a week the wife is out of town…

2009-09-18T06:05:00.000-07:00

The same roll of toilet paper lasts all week.

The covers never have to be turned down in order to get in bed.

That trash really won’t take itself out.

The television in the den actually gets channels other than the Hallmark Network.

There really ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone (it’s rained all week…)

Bachelors apparently only have to run the dishwasher once a week.

You can eat anything you want, but it doesn’t seem as fun as you thought it would.

The kids actually know who you are and want to talk to you.

You find that life starts to be measured in how many days/hours until her return.

Loud and Proud

2009-07-30T08:05:00.000-07:00

Sometimes a dinky bumper sticker is just not enough. Some days you just have to get up and scream to the world, "I'm as gay as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore..."

Iris Circabellum

2009-04-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

It's hard to imagine, I know, that someone as hip, urbane and profane as my friend Biff would turn me on to something as down to earth, simple and plaintive as Iris Dement. But I had honestly never heard of this wonderful Arkansas girl (a redhead to boot!), and that was a shortcoming on my part for sure. You see, Iris is one of those artists whose work is nothing short of honest and heart-tearing. Of course I developed an immediate and profound crush on her.

Many of you remember the numerous crushes I've had over the past years, but this one is different. And I just had to figure a way to make Iris mine. Well, I'm happy to say after six whole months of intensive amorous pressure, Iris agreed to tie the knot with me and we were married in a simple ceremony in a small undisclosed Nevada town, not terribly far from where she lives. And she's coming back to Arkansas to stay.

Now, I have to figure out how to explain this to the little bride...

Tea Party - Little Rock Arkansas - April 15, 2009

2009-04-16T05:32:00.001-07:00

I arrived at the Little Rock Tea Party right at 4:00, it having started at 3:30. I figure a lot of people had not arrived yet, waiting until they got off from work to go. I had to leave at 4:30 to make an appointment, and there were streams of people still coming. (Don't forget, clicky the picky to make them bigger...)

This Is Not A Gloat

2009-04-15T07:19:00.000-07:00

There’s a saying on the interweb bulletin boards that “if you don’t have pictures, it didn’t happen.” Therefore, this is entirely a work of fiction.

One of my best buddies called me up the other night and was all excited. He told me about a cache of hardwood lumber, stacked and stored in a garage of a retired furniture maker in an elegant lake community home. Almost 3,200 board feet of random width, ten foot lengths of maple. And it could be had for a mere $450.00 or about fifteen cents a board foot. Quite the deal since it normally sells for around four dollars a board foot. Did I want to go in halves with him he asked? Way too much wood for one person and probably for two, but I had visions of just building all kinds of crap out of this stuff because it would be cheaper than pine. I could build tool cabinets in my shop that would be the envy of woodworkers everywhere. I could replace all the kitchen cabinets cheaper than I could buy plywood. I could build some little pieces of furniture and get some practice with my hand tools. This is going to be great. Of course I said yes.

We made arrangements to take off work a little early the next day and make the hour or so drive up to the lake community near Heber Springs. “These kinds of deals never happen to me,” my buddy grinned at me. He and I shared the same vision of a carefully swept garage stacked with pristine planks of rough sawn maple, dutifully watched over by a bespectacled, white haired gentleman who had sold all of his tools some time back and now just needed someone to haul off the leftover materials from a lifetime of craftsmanship. Maybe his wife told him he had to clear out the garage so she could park in it. It was an intriguing thought.

We crested a hill and saw the sparkling water of Greers Ferry Lake in the distance, and turned into a well manicured road of elegant two story houses. Which one is it? We thought as we counted down the addresses on the rural mail boxes. Ninety-nine, One Hundred and Ten, One Forty-four… we looked at each other, puzzled, when we saw the mail box for One Eighty. It stood at the opening between the dense copse of trees with just a glimmer of what appeared to be a pile of junk in the distance. We turned into the lane.

A pot bellied man with a long white beard and a fierce stare came out of the ramshackle “house” with the slap of a screen door. Dressed in flannel and wearing a wide brimmed hat, I began to flash back to the scene in Deliverance… well, you get the idea. Piles of trash and junk adorned the porch and front yard. He motioned to a small, lean-to garage covered with a blue tarp. We stumbled across rotting piles of fence posts and clapboards to peek in.

And there inside were two saw horses with a small stack of boards on them. Lots of small cut-offs on top, a couple of pine 2x4’s sticking out, and a few nice wide and long maple boards. My buddy shook his head and muttered, “These kinds of deals never happen to me.”

How did you figure the board feet on this, he asked. The old man produced a tattered notebook with a column of figures on it. “Here’s the figures the guy wrote down when he delivered it to me.” We peered over them and took a few minutes to realize that these were the calculations for square inches of lumber. And yes, there were thousands. But when you divide that by 144 to get board feet, well… it turns out you only have about two hundred and twenty board feet. Less whatever the dude used out of it. And scarcely a pick-up truck load.

We wound up striking a deal amidst our dashed hopes and loaded up the lumber and headed back home. No, we won’t be replacing the kitchen cabinets. Probably won’t build all those nifty tool cabinets for my shop. I might build that little table I’ve been wanting to build.

As we wheeled back up onto the highway, I heard a mutter, “These kinds of deals never happen to me…”

Maybe It Really Is All Bush's Fault

2009-04-06T05:59:00.000-07:00

I’ve always been a curious person. I have a need to know as much as I can about life and the world around me. This runs the gamut from science to politics. And I guess I just don’t understand people that aren’t curious. Knowing the truth, the real story, that’s always been important to me. I’ve admitted that as a young man I was adamantly against the Viet Nam War. I wore long hair, peace symbols and bell-bottom jeans. I told anyone that would listen that the war was wrong and that we had no business in that part of the world.

It wasn’t until years later that I read about documents, declassified by the Vietnamese, that showed just how close we were to winning that war when we pulled out. [If you are a Democrat you will probably bail out right here because this is not sounding like something that makes you feel good.] You know, when we abandoned those that we had promised to help and left hundreds of thousands to die and millions others to languish in re-education camps. It made me ashamed.

I love reading both sides of the evolution theory. (Yes, there really are two sides). [Oops, bye-bye Liberals] I’m fascinated by the idea of extraterrestrial visitation even though I don’t believe it has happened (yet). [Gee, never thought I'd alienate the Ron Paul crowd] I’ve read the Gnostic Gospels. [Mainstream news reporters, sorry dudes, you'll be missed the rest of the essay...] I’ve read the Koran. I’ve chanted in a Buddhist temple. Even though I’ve always been drawn back to Christ for my faith I find no harm in learning about other religions.

What causes people to not be curious? Or to even stop being curious when confronted with ideas that don’t jibe with their own? I consider myself to be conservative in my politics and my lifestyle. But I listen intently to the words and arguments from the far-left and from the middle and from the far-right. And while I consider the far-right to be a little on the goofy side, the words of the far-left have so far always reinforced my core beliefs. I cannot for the life of me find anything in them that makes enough sense to change my mind. But I keep listening just in case. Well, and you pretty much can’t help but listen since that’s pretty much all you’re going to hear on NPR, CBS, ABC, NBC, CNN and just about any other news channels you turn to. Even FOX tends to spout some of that ideology from time to time.

So why would someone fix on a political ideology and not want to hear anything that disagrees with it? What makes one of your best friends, a person whom you endured listening to spew hatred and disdain during years of a certain past administration, suddenly have no interest in politics now that it’s a new administration? When you try to talk calmly and rationally about current events, what makes a co-worker threaten you with violence because they deem you too stupid to live? Why is it that when asked the difficult questions, they resort to shouting you down as if talking louder makes what they say a fact? Especially when presented with facts that dispute it…

What makes friends reply “unsubscribe Republican propaganda” when barbed in a friendly way about their politics? Why won’t anyone discuss this with me? I really want to know what’s real.

Patron Saint of Real Estate

2008-03-03T12:08:00.000-08:00

John over at Devil Queen begs the question as to whether burying a little statue of St. Joseph really works when trying to sell your house. And when we were selling our last house it really did seem to help. But I can't help thinking about burying the little statue without thinking of fish sauce.

Some of you know that I am a real fan of southeast Asian cuisine. And I had decided that I would try making it myself since there's not a lot of choices around here for such fare. So I got a cookbook and started to collect the ingredients. I dutifully went to the Asian store and asked the clerk to show me their finest bottle of fish sauce. And she showed me the most ornately decorated, largest and prettiest bottle of brown liquid you could ever imagine for $1.99. I bought it and took it home.

I was so anxious to see what this sparkling little beauty had in store for me, so first thing when I got home, I opened it for a taste.

It smelled so bad that I thought I was going to get sick. Panic hit me as I realized that our agent could schedule a showing of the house at any time. And having something that foul in the house almost guaranteed sooner rather than later. This stuff could not stay.

And if I threw it in the trash, the garage would smell like rotten fish, so I did the only thing a sane person would do. I buried the bottle in the flower garden out front.

Some months later after the new owners had settled in, I noticed driving by that they were having all new landscaping done in the yard. I couldn’t help but smile as I passed, thinking of young Jorge digging up my buried treasure and thinking it was some long lost bottle of fine booze. I’d pay for the experience of seeing his face when he un-capped that bad boy.

It wasn’t until later when I read Kasma Loha-unchit’s book on Thai cooking, Dancing Shrimp that I found out that a good fish sauce doesn’t smell like that. It smells like walking on the beach. And the brand I use now, Squid Brand Fish Sauce, smells just like that.

$20 Cash - Includes gift

2008-02-09T18:58:00.000-08:00

Things I Have Learned By Being Stubborn

2008-01-17T05:48:00.000-08:00

1. Schoolteachers will always win, even when they're wrong.

2. Girls worth having won't beg you to come back.

3. The boss at work will always win, even when he's wrong.

4. Other folks will pay a little more for something while you wait for a seller to come down on his price.

5. The cop that pulls you over will always win, even when he's wrong.

6. Your kids are going to become what they are no matter how hard you try to push them the other way.

7. You can tear a hole in your shirt trying to twist the cap off of a Heineken.

8. Your wife will always win, even when she's wrong.

The First Keep It Real Church...

2008-01-05T13:41:00.001-08:00

Going West, Young Man

2007-12-18T13:40:00.000-08:00

Left the East, traveling West last night. Back from whence I came lo one year ago...

It's been a great year and I really enjoyed the "hot seat."

I Smoked Too Many Cigarettes This Weekend

2007-12-03T07:49:00.000-08:00

"But you don't smoke," I can imagine you saying. And mostly you'd be right.

After a few years hiatus my Civil War selling partner and I decided to go to the Nashville show this weekend. I guess I haven't gone to one with him since I quit smoking in '02. And riding in a truck for five-plus hours, staying in a hotel room, and riding back with a chain smoker proved to be a little more stressful than I anticipated. I am so congested this morning, I can't quit blowing my nose and coughing. And my jacket smells like smoke. I wonder if I tumble it in the dryer with a static sheet if it will freshen it up?

I didn't buy anything at the show, but selling out of a briefcase turns out to be a pretty good strategy. In the past we'd always set up as dealers. And that makes for a long weekend, driving over, setting up on Friday and then manning the tables for two days, tearing down and driving back on Sunday. This time we decided to be "floor walkers." And I guess it adds a sense of urgency when you're showing someone something in your briefcase and they have minutes to decide about it before you walk off for good. It kind of throws a wrench in the "let me think about it and let you know later" strategy.

So I did fairly well at the show. We did some leisurely junking on the way back and got in about 9:00 last night. The little bride seemed happy to see me, and I surely was happy to see her as well. I think son1 was disappointed that I didn't bring him something to eat...

Cranberries - not just a pop band anymore

2007-11-20T05:36:00.000-08:00

My little bride looks great right out of the package. I think she's gorgeous dripping wet and straight from the shower. Her blue eyes are magnificent and her smile lights up the room. She doesn't need makeup, but somehow it makes her feel better. So, I abide it.

When she asks me if she looks alright, the answer is yes. But she only asks after she puts on the makeup so maybe she doesn't know that she looks wonderful before. Or maybe she doesn't believe me.

This morning as I was brushing my teeth, I noticed one of the little containers on the cabinet was labeled "concealer." Concealer? What is she trying to hide? I'm going to have to ask her about that when I get home tonight.

On another note, it looks like we're going to be hosting the fambly for Thanksgiving again this year. Yeah, mom and dad sold their house and moved into a retirement high rise, an old folks home of sorts, and they say I'm the only one with room for everybody. I think it's because my house is the closest to their new abode and they don't like to ride any farther.

So, I've got a great tom turkey thawing in my fridge, and most of the "emergency" remodeling done that the bride insisted had to occur before we have guests. I suppose that we're nearly ready. Certainly she will insist on some frenzied last minute house cleaning and life will be at a frantic pace until, oh, noonish on Thursday. When we all sit down together, I'm sure everything will be copacetic.

We thought about possibly putting a table out on the new deck in case some wanted to dine al fresco. The weather has been so nice this week. But the radio says this morning that a cold front is supposed to come through on Thursday so that sounds iffy.

As far as I know, there's still no cure for rabies, so there's that. And my new favorite word in the whole world is YIKES! Just saying or hearing the word yikes puts a smile on my face. How many words can you say that about?

Hillary Loves Arkansas Part II

2007-11-09T14:42:00.000-08:00

I told you a bit ago about Hillary ~~Rodham's~~ Clinton's headquarters here in Little Rock being in the basement, behind a rubber stamp company. You saw how she is showing us the love. You know, from her living here all those years and being married to the governor.

Today I did a doubletake as I drove by and saw the yard sale signs in front of her headquarters. I slammed on my brakes and ran in to see if they had some of Bill's underwear for sale. You know, some years back he itemized donations of underwear to the local Goodwill store for his income taxes. I think he valued them at $2 a pair or something like that. So I figured they probably need money since Hill's running for president or some office. I forget. And maybe they're selling their old underwear instead of donating it for a tax ~~dodge~~ break.

While I didn't find any of Bill's underwear, there was a pair of combat boots that I think may have been Hillary's. No, wait, she hates the military so scratch that. Probably Chelsea's.

I did see a guy down in front of the homeless shelter, two blocks down, that was wearing a pair of pretty expensive looking underwear on his head...

UPDATE: The LA Times thinks it's a good idea...

We live in a tough neighborhood...

2007-11-04T10:43:00.000-08:00

Apparently these kids weren't trick-or-treating correctly...

...or maybe they didn't say "thank you."

Hillary Loves Arkansas

2007-10-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

Yeah, right.

I figured ya'll might want to see Hillary's Arkansas Headquarters. You'd think she might want it somewhere a little nicer than the basement in the back of a rubber stamp company. Or maybe that says something...

Oh, and all the cars in the parking lot? The parking lot belongs to the Little Rock School District and those cars are parked there even when the building is vacant.

Ten to No

2007-09-24T18:38:00.000-07:00

Snookered Again

2007-07-08T18:15:00.000-07:00

Folks are always telling me how great this beer or that beer is, and when it comes to beers with the words "ultra" or "light" in them, no matter how it's spelled, they're really not worth drinking. But when a friend told me that the new light beer by Beck's was really good, he had my attention. The Germans really know how to make beer.

So, I bought some. And it tastes just like your standard watered down American beer. Not that I'm a beer snob or anything, but I do like my beer to actually taste like beer. If I want carbonated water, I'll buy that.

Beck's, stick to what you do best. And making light beer ain't it.

It's a Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood...

2007-07-05T13:11:00.000-07:00

You know, certain neighborhoods in town are just more interesting than others. And they make you glad you have your camera with you...

Making Sense

2007-05-15T05:56:00.000-07:00

The analogy of God as a father becomes ever so much clearer after you are a parent. Each day I see the Fatherhood of God in my fatherhood of my sons and daughter. You want so badly to protect them from the world and its hurts. Its dangers. And so with God.

How do you explain an untimely death? How can you reason that good people die and evil people live? There's comfort knowing he's in heaven, but how could God let this happen?

And I guess it all comes down to choices. Free will is a wonderful blessing and a terrible burden all at once. And God created us with free will. We choose to love. We choose to worship. Or not. And we choose our paths in life. And maybe a child's split second choice darts them into traffic before you can grab them. We either pay or benefit from our choices depending upon which way we go.

It's not God's fault that bad things happen to us. And it's unrealistic to expect we'd be protected from every reaction to our actions. Yes, God protects us and holds us and he loves us more than we can understand. Even after experiencing the love we have for our children, we can't begin to fathom. And he let's us choose.

A choice. A life cut short. A soul in heaven and a host of those left behind in sorrow. Wondering how this can be. Wishing it weren't true. Hoping for that call saying it was a mistake. Curled up in bed, wanting the escape of sleep, knowing you'll never see your best friend again in this life. Thinking over and over in your mind of the choices you've made and the single devastating choice of one you love.

Pray for my son and the family of his friend. A choice. A life cut short. We can only pray for those left behind.

Keeping Austin Weird

2007-04-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

Spent the last few days in Austin Texas, a place with a very discernable attitude. (remember, if you click on the pictures, they get bigger...)

There was a gang of girls on Segways terrorizing the tourists on the sidewalk

And of course we got our drink on. In Texas, it's Mexican beer and tequila

The skyline from our lair

If it ain't hot enough for you there, you can get assistance
The folks were nice and helpful, always looking out for our needs and clearing up any confusion that might overtake us.
No problems to speak of, but had there been...

Galactic Trailer Trash

2007-03-04T07:24:00.000-08:00

Is anyone following the civilian space race?

For the last fifty years, space has been the exclusive realm of government agencies. Governments with enough money and clout to pull it off. Granted, a lot of our technological progress has come from the space program. Tang for instance. Oh and those ballpoint pens that write upside down. How cool is that?

But in the last few years we've seen more and more wealthy entrepenours entering their own space programs. And who wants to bet that there's more progress in a year than NASA makes in a decade? Plus, these guys like to party and there won't be that stigma attached to hot extraterrestrial astronaut loving that the government programs have. Just think, no more driving 900 miles in a diaper to straighten out your sex life.

Virgin is planning regularly scheduled galactic flights and claims that soon "every kid will know he can go to orbit in his lifetime." Numerous others are developing their own ideas for cashing in on the concept.

This one guy, Robert Bigelow, has already sent up his own space station. But here's where it starts to bother me. Bigelow's space station is home to some jumping beans and some cockroaches. Cockroaches?

Have you ever had that experience when the nasty people living next door to you move out and the cockroaches they left behind get hungry and start invading your house? You spend hundreds of dollars on exterminators and years cussing those nasty bastards for doing that to you?

Yeah, do we want to be known as the planet that spread cockroaches across the galaxy?

The Education Pill

2007-02-26T06:58:00.000-08:00

One of the most provocative bloggers out in the webosphere is La Shawn Barber. I admire her common sense approach to everyday problems. And while many of her posts are directed at improving the black community in America, nearly all of her solutions would be beneficial to all races.

Things like, “Get married and build a nest before you have children to give them the best start in life, take responsibility for your own lives and accept the consequences of your actions, and take responsibility for your children’s education…”

The last one really hits home to me, since I still have a child in school.

Haven’t we become a culture of dependence? I mean, don’t we look for someone else to solve our problems because we are too lazy? No?

How about health? How many Americans would rather take medication for diabetes, high blood pressure, and obesity than to alter their diet and exercise habits? Why inconvenience yourself when you can take a little pill or get an operation? The good Lord certainly doesn’t want me to do without anything that gives me pleasure.

And, if the pill for your blood pressure or diabetes makes you impotent? There’s a pill for that too!

Yep, we’d rather not teach our children to take responsibility for their sexuality. You wouldn’t want to make anyone feel bad or foolish for getting pregnant in the ninth grade. No, it’s better to have the schools pass out condoms to our children than to expect them to deprive themselves of that pleasure. Especially since we don’t want to deprive ourselves of the pleasures of extra-marital sex. Right?

Which brings me to the most important one of all. The one that most affects our future and that of our children and grandchildren. The schools.

Bane says you shouldn’t send you kids to any school. Public or private. And I’m sure he has a valid point these days. But it shouldn’t be that way, and I think he would agree with me on that.

We’ve proven through forty years of trial and error that throwing money at the problem won’t fix it. Though the unionized teachers are ~~scheming~~ screaming that it will. “Just pay us more to care about your children…”

Isn’t money the little pill for our children’s education?

If we throw more money at the problem, it will get fixed and our children will receive a great education without inconveniencing ourselves. Lord knows, we don’t have time to make sure our kids learn. That’s what we pay the teachers for. Right?

Or not.

And so the tradition continues...

2007-02-11T14:22:00.000-08:00

Son1 worked his first show yesterday. Bob Seeger. And, I'm not sure who was more excited - me, or him. Probably me.

See, ever since he was born, it has been my hope that he would someday want to do this, just as I did, and my father and his father before him. Grandpa died when I was 13, so I never worked with him, but there were still lots of guys on the crew when I started with plenty of tales to tell about him. I never worked with dad either, he having decided to hang it up after falling from a ramp one night. And since I haven't worked a show since the nineties, I guess it's possible that son1 and I will never work together. I hope that's not the case.

I still keep my hand in, for if I ever want to. When I talked to the steward in January to get my boy on the call list, I checked my seniority. I'm now number five on the list with only four of the old boys still ahead of me.

Since he's the newbie, son1 got cut at 1:00 and back in for the out at eleven. He was pretty pumped when he came home at lunch, telling me about getting the grand piano out of its road case and other assorted trivia. I'm really glad he thinks it's fun, because it is. Hard work, but fun.

He showed me his black finger this afternoon, where a careless drop on the other end of a riser smashed it. Those things happen and you have to watch yourself. But he's looking forward to his next call and hoping it will be someone he likes better than Bob Seeger. Guess I need to start coaching him a bit on stage directions...

destination unknown

2007-02-02T18:05:00.001-08:00

I've seen those television shows on the learning channel about the most dangerous jobs, and fishing for crabs is one of the top ones. And I'm grateful to those guys. Because I like crab legs. I've got a friend that tried it one year. They went out for a month, and endured cold and wet with very little sleep for the promise of a portion of the catch. Tales of coming home with thirty, forty, even fifty thousand dollars from a month's work were tossed back like so many beers.

But, alas, they had a terrible catch that month and he wound up with something like eighty dollars for his trouble, and had to have his dad wire him money to get back home. Swore he'd never do that again.

Which makes me even more grateful.

Kroger had a special on snow crab legs and I bought four pounds of them. The little bride and I, finding ourselves in one of those rare evenings without children, steamed them up and ate them with drawn butter. Okay, I didn't really draw it, but I melted it in the microwave and it was good enough. And these particular crab legs are already slit down the sides and cut around the claws and they are ever so easy to get the great, long, slabs of crab flesh out and run them through the butter dipping to the second knuckle. I nearly chewed off two of my fingers in the process.

I topped this off with some good dutch beer (I'm a sucker if it's in a green bottle) and a couple of Bordeaux cookies for dessert. Well, maybe more than a couple. Maybe one whole section of the bag. As far as I'm concerned, Pepperidge Farms has a license to print money with those things.

Now, I've got to go and hide the evidence... I don't like having to explain why I didn't tell the boys that we were having crab legs for dinner before they made plans to go off and do other things. Ha ha.

It's The Economy, Stupid!

2007-02-02T12:54:00.000-08:00

Yes, President Bush's tax cuts were aimed at the rich.

Yee Haw, I mean, Ahoy!

2007-02-01T15:47:00.000-08:00

So, they're building a freeway down the road from me, and I drive past the construction every day. That's why it seemed odd to see a boat parked on an unfinished section. Was it raining a lot the day this guy drove his boat to work? And then he was left stranded at quitting time? (clicky the picky and it gets bigger...)

Take It Back

2007-01-27T07:37:00.000-08:00

When I was entering my teen years in the late sixties, there was a great fascination on my part with hippies and the whole anti-establishment idea. I think this is probably pretty normal for kids that age, and I wasn’t much different than most of the kids I went to school with.

And, even though I grew up playing army and watching war movies on television, I fell in lockstep with the anti-war, anti-Viet Nam feelings that were growing stronger and more pervasive each year. I hungrily watched the six o’clock news each day to see the body counts. I devoured the Life Magazines that my grandmother subscribed to each week, pouring over the pictures of Kent State and the protests.

We were unique. We were the first! No one had ever challenged authority. No one had ever had the guts to be against a war. No one had ever dreamed of a world where everyone loved each other and everything was groovy. We were the pioneers that would save the world from ourselves. And we’d do it with love, flowers and music. The drugs were just the icing on the cake.

I know how appealing the whole notion can be. And how easily a young person can be taken in by the great feeling you get of being part of something special and earth shattering. No amount of logic or facts would have dissuaded me from my anti-war stance. I got sent home from school for wearing an American flag with a peace sign on my shirt. I was making a difference! I was trendy, I was cool. My friends and I all thought so.

And, by 1972, people like me had made a difference. You could see that we were winning against stupid, old fashioned, tyrants like Johnson and Nixon. You could see that our country was changing.

You could see that we as a nation had lost our resolve to win a stupid war, forced upon us by stupid people, and un-winnable because the “enemy” had the moral high ground and right always prevails, eventually. Domino effect? Yeah, right.

And right did prevail. We left Viet Nam about a year after I became eligible for the draft. The world was going to become a better place.

It wasn’t until nearly thirty years later that we found out just how close to winning that war militarily we were. It was years later before the government of Viet Nam released documents that showed just how much affect our war protests had. Just how critical it was that we lost our resolve when we did. How dangerously close they came to losing that war. That quagmire.

It was thirty years later before we began to understand how our loss of resolve, our abandonment of our friends and allies, our cutting and running affected the way we as a country are perceived in the real world. How those who hate us and hate our way of life use that information to bolster their attacks on us. On the freedoms we represent.

Meantime, history proved that our government was initially correct. There was a domino effect. Much of Southeast Asia toppled to communist and repressive regimes. Literally millions of human beings, people, and families died and many millions more suffered through the re-education and abuses of prison. Billions of people’s lives changed. For the worse.

We bear a responsibility for that.

I am sorry that I was part of that. I deeply regret my stance against that war. I deeply regret believing that I knew more about a war, a people, a culture on the other side of the world than the men and women who had studied it and brought us to bear on the situation. I am so sorry for the suffering that I caused to the men and women and their families who were honorably serving our country, through my misguided thoughts and actions. They were fighting for my right to think they were wrong.

I wish that I could take it all back.

Fun With Ebay!

2007-01-03T17:17:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if I would qualify as a pioneer with eBay, but I did start buying and selling on eBay in 1998, not too long after the site started up. And over the years I've sold a lot of things on eBay, bought a lot of things on eBay and bid a million dollars worth of stuff up even though I didn't win it. I've made a lot of money for eBay and its owners.

Yet, every time I've had a question or a problem, eBay is little or no help. I'm convinced that the customer service people just scan the messages, pick out a key word and focus on that. Normally the answer has nothing to do with the question or the problem. And once they start pointing you in a certain direction, no amount of prodding will get them to reverse course.

As an example of just how bad the customer service is at eBay, I will present you the following email exchange, unedited except for deleting unnecessary headers and text. As a sort of background on this exchange, I had bought a small collection of Zippo cigarette lighters with the intention of selling them on eBay. Now, eBay is rife with fake Viet Nam engraved Zippos, most actually coming from Viet Nam. But these are just regular lighters with no Viet Nam related engraving, so what's the problem?

Well, eBay lets me list one and then tells me that I have to be paypal verified (read as "link my bank account to an unregulated financial institution" - no thanks!)in order to list a second lighter. So, trying to figure out what the problem is, I send a message to eBay asking why it's doing this. I mean, really, I've listed lots of other stuff that has horrible fakes on eBay including a collection of authentic Egyptian artifacts. Try finding ones that AREN'T fake on eBay!

Without further ado, here's the exchange:

December 8, 2006
Message: I am trying to list an item (Zippo Lighter) and I get an error message that tells me that I must be verified through Paypal to list this item. I don't have a paypal account and I do NOT WANT a Paypal account, I do NOT wish to link my bank account information with anything on the internet. So what do I do to fix this? I was able to list another lighter earlier without any problems. Please let me know soon.
Thanks

Greg

(response)
Dear Greg,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to the difficulty you are experiencing while listing you item on the eBay site.

We would like to provide as much assistance as possible to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. However, in order to do this, we would require some more information before proceeding in this matter.

1. The exact steps that you are taking while listing the item.

2. Any error message that are getting while listing the item.

3. The item description and the category that you are selecting while listing the item.

4. Any other information that you can provide to resolve the issue as quickly as possible.

Okay, my response:
1. The exact steps that you are taking while listing the item. Answer: I was at the “submit listing” point.

2. Any error message that are getting while listing the item. Answer: Attention Seller:

In order to maintain a safe trading environment, selling limits are occasionally placed on accounts. Your eBay account has been restricted from listing this item at this time until you have verified through PayPal.

1) To verify your PayPal account, click on your country of eBay registration below to understand how to complete that process.

2) If you already have a verified PayPal account, and are still receiving this message, you need to link it to your eBay account.

For instructions on how to become PayPal Verified or how to link your PayPal account to your eBay account, please click on the site of your eBay registration below:

Australia | Austria | Belgium - French | Belgium - Dutch | Canada | France | Germany | India | Ireland | Italy | Malaysia | Netherlands | Philippines | Poland | Singapore | Spain | Sweden | Switzerland | United Kingdom | United States

We sincerely value you as a member of our trading community and look forward to a continued successful relationship.

Click here for a window with eBay's policy on replica or counterfeit items

3. The item description and the category that you are selecting while

listing the item. Answer:

A decent used lighter showing wear on the high spots. Date code on the bottom puts it made in 1966.

Scratches and wear as indicated in scans, this is not an "as new" lighter. But it is all there and operable.

Shipping to anywhere in the United States by Priority Mail/Delivery Confirmation is only $5.00. I can stick it into a padded bag and mail it to you that way for only $3.00 if you specify.

Category: Collectibles > Tobacciana > Lighters > Zippo > Other (#952)

4. Any other information that you can provide to resolve the issue as

quickly as possible.

Then, on December 27 (3 weeks later) I emailed again:
I responded to this email several weeks ago and have heard nothing more from you. Is this what you consider customer service?

Greg

And, their response:
Dear Greg,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to trouble you're having when listing your item on eBay.

First, please allow me to apologize for the delay in response time and any inconvenience this may have caused. We appreciate your patience and understanding. I do see that we received your previous email and I have reviewed the information you sent at that time.

In order to resolve the issue you are having you will need to become PayPal Verified. eBay members who have taken the step to be PayPal Verified have confirmed their identity by completing the required steps to become Verified. The Verification process is a way for PayPal to gain additional proof of a member's identity in conjunction with our own eBay authentication methods. This higher level of verification is designed to reduce fraud and will make it more difficult for counterfeiters to list those items on eBay.

Note: eBay does not require sellers to offer PayPal for these items.

There are two ways to get PayPal Verified:

- Add and confirm a bank account
- Get approved for a PayPal Plus Credit Card

***Add and confirm a back account***
1. Log In to your PayPal account.
2. Go to your profile and add and confirm your bank account.
3. Once you have completed the process, please update your PayPal account by selecting "My Account", then "Profile", then "Selling Preferences" and choose "Auctions".
4. Click on "Add" and enter your eBay User ID.

***Get approved for a PayPal Plus Credit Card*** To apply for a PayPal Plus Credit Card, click the "Plus Card" link at the bottom of any PayPal page.

I understand your frustration regarding this matter and apologize for the inconvenience it caused you.

Sincerely,
Christina C. A.

eBay Customer Support

To which I replied:
Why do I need to be paypal verified to sell certain items on eBay? I know there are a lot of fake viet nam Zippos on eBay, this hasn't stopped that, but the Zippos I'm trying to sell aren't even close. I cannot link my bank account information to an unregulated financial entity and do not want one of their credit cards. I've never had a problem listing any other item, have flawless feed back, have been a seller on eBay longer than most of you have worked there (since '98) and should be able to list more than one Zippo lighter at a time without having to give my financial information.
Please help me resolve this problem. Thanks

greg

To which they finally replied:
Dear Greg,

Thank you for writing back to eBay regarding the Paypal Verified requirements for certain brands and types of items.

Please again understand that only the verification process is required.
You do not have to accept Paypal on these items, nor ever use your Paypal account for any reason. However if you fail to go through this verification process, you will not be able to list the items.

I have provided the steps for you below for both options. Only one of those would be required.

***Add and confirm a back account***
1. Log In to your PayPal account.
2. Go to your profile and add and confirm your bank account.
3. Once you have completed the process, please update your PayPal account by selecting "My Account", then "Profile", then "Selling Preferences" and choose "Auctions".
4. Click on "Add" and enter your eBay User ID.

***Get approved for a PayPal Plus Credit Card*** To apply for a PayPal Plus Credit Card, click the "Plus Card" link at the bottom of any PayPal page.

Again, if you do not complete either of those two requirements, you will not be able to list the items at this time.

Thank you again for writing to us and for giving me this opportunity to further address your concerns. Best of luck with your future transactions on eBay!

Sincerely,
Matthew M.

eBay Customer Support

Notice that they only tell me how to link my bank account information to their scam unregulated paypal account. So, now I really want an answer. A real answer.
From: Circa Bellum
To: eBay Customer Support
Subject: RE: GS=C11008 The problem you're having with registering isn't
listed [ 05019T ?01 ] (KMM66397419V47377L0KM)

You did not answer my question about why you are requiring this for this particular item. In fact none of you have responded to any of my questions other than to tell me that I have to link my bank account info to list these items. I want to know what the reason is. Can you send my question to someone higher up who knows something?

I've been selling on ebay since 1998 and have never encountered this. I sell a lot of items (real ones, I might add) that are in categories rife with fakes. I realize that viet nam Zippos are faked and sold on eBay a LOT. These are not pretending to be those. I recently sold a collection of Egyptian artifacts. Talk about a category that is crawling with fakes, yet I was able to list 20 and 30 items at a time.

Only being able to list one item at a time is hurting both me and ebay on the income aspect since having multiple items out at once lends credibility and gets more bids.

Again, I will not furnish my bank account information to ebay (paypal) or anyone else on the internet. I have a credit card on file with ebay, that should be enough.

Now, will you please give me the courtesy of an answer to my question?

Getting more than irritated...
greg

One would think that at this point a real person would answer my email with something other than the party line about getting verified with paypal.
Dear Greg,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to being PayPal verified to sell items on eBay.

To help you as quickly and efficiently as possible, I've forwarded your email directly to a PayPal representative. We do this to ensure the security of your PayPal account information.

When you have PayPal inquiries, you'll get answers faster if you contact PayPal Customer Service directly. To reach PayPal Customer Service, log into your account and send a secure email through the following Web
page:

https://www.paypal.com/ewf/f=default

Please understand that you need to get your PayPal account verify that is currently linked to eBay. Once you do this you will certainly be able to list your item without further problems.

To which I tersely replied:
From: Circa Bellum
To: eBay Customer Support
Subject: RE: GS=C11008 The problem you're having with registering isn't
listed [ 05019T ?01 ] (KMM66604172V10318L0KM)

You don't even read the questions, do you?

Which elicited the following response, proving once again, that they don't even read the questions, do they?
Dear Greg,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to being PayPal verified.

Firstly, please accept my apology for the delay in sending the response.

In an effort to help you as quickly and efficiently as possible, I've forwarded your email directly to a PayPal representative. We do this to ensure the security of your PayPal account information.

When you have PayPal inquiries, you'll get answers faster if you contact PayPal Customer Service directly. To reach PayPal Customer Service, log into your account and send a secure email through the following Web
page:

https://www.paypal.com/ewf/f=default

We are committed to making your eBay experiences pleasant and fulfilling.

Sincerely,
Claire Z.

eBay Customer Support

So, I have to see how far this goes, and I reply:
OKAY, let me say this as simply as I can possibly state this. You don't seem to understand the question. I know how to get paypal verified.
You've
explained that to me 3 times and it was very clear before I ever asked the question in the first place. I repeat: I will not link my bank account info to eBay (paypal) not now, not ever.
HERE'S THE QUESTION: why does a zippo lighter require paypal
verification to list and other objects don't. I WANT MY QUESTION ANSWERED , YOU OWE ME THAT MUCH.
I'M GETTING MORE THAN A LITTLE PERTURBED WITH YOUR STUPID RESPONSES THAT DO NOT ADDRESS THE QUESTION. If you do not have a sufficient grasp of the English language to understand the question, please, for God's sake, send the question to someone higher up in your organization who can actually give something beyond a canned response. No more robots...
g

Which finally elicited a response from someone who actually read the question. hey, it only took a month!
Dear Greg,

Thank you for writing eBay in regard to your concerns selling your Zippo Lighter item(s).

The reason you've been required to become PayPal verified is because eBay is committed to reducing fraud and negative buying experiences on the site, and the sale of counterfeits on eBay is wrong, violates our business ethics, and results in negative buying experiences. Be assured that you do not need to use PayPal as an payment method to sell your item; this is for verification only.

The problem of counterfeits is not just an eBay problem. Counterfeits plague the brick-and-mortar retail industry, as well as the rest of e-commerce in general. Counterfeits are illegal. It is a criminal act to manufacture them, and it is a criminal act to knowingly sell them. Every time a buyer on eBay purchases a counterfeit item, the whole eBay marketplace pays a price. Trust is the fuel that powers trade on our site. Counterfeits erode the trust that is so essential and this hurts all of us.

Reducing negative buying experiences from counterfeits and other fraud will help increase buyer trust, resulting in greater loyalty and purchasing activity for legitimate sellers. We know that initiatives to combat fraud will cause inconveniences for legitimate sellers, but you will also benefit from increased buyer demand for legitimate goods.

It is my pleasure to assist you. Thank you for choosing eBay.

Sincerely,
William L.

eBay Customer Support

Christmas Greetings

2006-12-20T12:05:00.000-08:00
I saw this on Bane's site and I liked it. So, I'm putting it on mine...

WM2007

2006-12-18T18:11:00.000-08:00
As a traveling man, I've traveled from west to east and from east to west. As of tonight, I will be spending the next year in the east. Wish me luck and Godspeed. The seat has been known to get warm.

A Pile of Rags

2006-11-24T06:29:00.000-08:00
Last night I felt like a pile of rags. I fell into bed about ten o'clock, and lay in the arms of Morpheus until this morning. As I arose, refreshed, the little bride murmered through sleepy eyes, "We worked pretty well as a team yesterday, didn't we?"

Yes, we did darlin', yes we did.

Thank God It's Friday

2006-11-24T05:48:00.000-08:00
Just another thing to be grateful for.

My parents moved to a retirement home this year. A small apartment. So mom informed me that Thanksgiving would be at my house this year. I knew this would entail a lot of work, but I really had no idea. But, let's look at facts:

I've never cooked a turkey before. I'm not sure what's in dressing other than cornbread and sage. Alton Brown says it's a sin to serve canned cranberry sauce.

Things I learned:

A fourteen pound turkey won't thaw out in the refrigerator in two days. There's only so much room in an oven. You can get green bean casserole in a kit. The little bride finds this a useful excuse to spend thousands of dollars on decorating and serving items.

The lady next door asked me how many people we were expecting. I went through the fingers on both hands and was about to unzip my pants when I told her, "somewhere between 12 and 20, as near as I can figure."

"There's a helluva difference between 12 and 20!" she exclaimed. Something else that just hadn't occurred to me. I determined that I would make food for 20 and if it turned out to be just me and the little bride, we'd have leftovers to eat for days to come.

When I got up Thursday morning, I realized my turkey was still pretty much frozen. Not a good thing just before show call.

I dumped him in a sink of cool water and started reading the instructions that came with him. "Thaw turkey in refrigerator for 24 hours for each four pounds." Hmmm. Guess I should have bought him before Tuesday. Crap. Oh well, there's always the suck factor.

My daughter, being the impoverished college student, had to work Thanksgiving night, so she stopped by to say hello about mid afternoon. The turkey was in the oven and I was taking a shower when she got there. I came out with wet hair and wearing my Texas Longhorns tee shirt. I bought the shirt, by the way, to impress my relations from Oklahoma. I know just how much they think about Texas and wanted them to be happy. Actually, it's like I told my niece, "if it sucks bad enough, ya'll won't want to come back next year." The suck factor.

I had no idea it would have such an adverse effect on my prissy college student. "Oh, no, Dad." she said. "Why are you wearing that thing?"

I tried to explain about the suck factor and all that, but she was buying none of it. "We can't even be friends anymore," she said, "much less give you a hug."

I changed shirts, got my hug, visited for a bit and then she left and we went back to furiously preparing supper for a crowd of from 12 to 20. By this time the little bride was ready to start putting her (not) famous dressing together. Neither of us had any experience in that department. I had, however, made her a big pan of cornbread the day before.

We put the dressing and the (kit) green bean casserole in the next door lady's oven and started putting together all of the salads and other assorted sundries. Sorry Alton, I glopped a can of cranberry sauce into a bowl and called it good. I fixed a pan of sweet corn for my niece who says mashed potatoes and gravy aren't complete without corn to squish in it.

I also sliced up some sweet potatoes and sauteed them in butter and covered them with a sauce of butter, brown sugar and cayenne pepper. Some of the relations that never eat sweet potatoes said they were good.

I peeled about ten pounds of regular taters for the bride and she made mashed potatoes in mass quantities. Meanwhile, the rolls were rising in their little compartmentalized muffin tins.

I retrieved the dressing and green beans just before the first arrivals and things went to def-com five as I furiously tried to tie up all the loose ends and seat sixteen people for the meal. I watched impatiently as the meat thermometer rose slowly degree by degree to the required 180 degrees the instructions said to get in the thigh. And as the grand bird rested next to the stove, I peeled the saran wrap off of the rolls to put them in the oven. They all popped and went puddly over the top of the pan. Suck factor, I grinned through clinched teeth.

One of the brothers-in-law was kind enough to carve up the bird and I started gathering the flock from various parts of the house to assemble for the long awaited moment. I was so relieved that everything had come together (except the rolls) that I fervently prayed, "Lord, I am so grateful for this big family. I am so grateful for all we have. This past year has been so wonderful, I can't wait to see what the next year brings, Amen!"

My children love me.

2006-11-08T08:05:00.000-08:00
Ever notice that your kids never invite you out to lunch when they have money? But two days before payday, you're likely to get a call, "Whatcha doin' for lunch, dad?"

I guess I'm having lunch with son1 today...

I for one, am happy...

2006-11-08T05:31:00.000-08:00
"The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way."

Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

For nearly seven years now, I have heard nothing but criticism and hatred when it comes to the operation of our government. I have not heard any constructive ideas on how to change the status quo. I mean other than a "lockbox."

The American people have been growing more and more disillusioned with some of the policies of our current administration.

The trampling of our constitutional rights in the name of inteligence gathering and warfare. Pretty much happens in every war. Even the revered Lincoln suspended the writ of habeas corpus during our Civil War. But, that doesn't make it right.

The growing unease with the way the war in Iraq and Afghanistan is being prosecuted. I admit, I'm pretty much uneasy with that myself. Though, I support our president in what I believe are his goals in that regard. How many times were we attacked by terrorists during our eight years of appeasement and diplomacy with the world? How many times have we been attacked since the world now hates us?

Can we do things better than we have so far? You bet. Will a new Democratic controlled congress come up with the ideas and leadership to do that? I sure hope so.

For nearly seven years now, I have heard nothing but criticism and hatred when it comes to the operation of our government. I have not heard any constructive ideas on how to change the status quo. I'm ready. Let's see what you've got.

Let the new leadership guide us to unparalleled success and prosperity, protect us from harm, and may God's hand lead them in the path of right and integrity.

Amen.

Vote for who???

2006-11-07T17:31:00.000-08:00
This sign is in my next door neighbor's yard. Gravy For Group Leader. I'm not really sure what it's all about... (feel free to contact me if you know... greg at circabellum dot com)

2006-10-27T09:08:00.000-07:00
Half a century and counting...

I Got Tricked By Sonic. Again.

2006-10-09T15:57:00.000-07:00
I haven't been so much of a fan of Sonic since they quit fixing the food fresh and started nuking everything to a hot, but not very wholesome looking blob. But every once in a while, they get me with one of their ads. And the concepts are always appealing. The "creampie shake" is an example of something that looks a whole helluva lot better than it tastes. No thanks, I'll just pick up a cream pie at the bakery on the way home. And eat the whole thing. Yes.

Have you seen the latest ad with the two gay guys? An extra long philly cheese steak. And other than the fact that gayguy1 seems to be comparing the sandwich to the length of his penis, I'm liking me some cheesesteak sandwiches and they have my attention.

(Reverie portion of this posting...)I remember standing, drunk and silly, in the cement footprints of Rocky, ordering a philly cheesesteak sandwich at two in the morning, in Philadelphia. And, I don't know, maybe it's a combination of having drink after drink in a kick-ass jazz bar on the Southside of Philly, or just the fact that food tastes better at two a.m. on a drinking binge, but that was a hella experience. Pat's, I think. And the hot pepper sauce that they serve up with it - yesssss!

(We return now to the regularly scheduled portion of the blog...)So I'm thinking that philly cheesesteak = good. Extra long = better. And, I got me one.

Here's the part they don't tell you in the ad: extra long only refers to the fact that it is served on a foot-long hot dog bun. Extra skinny. Yikes. Oh, and then they nuke it in the microwave until it reaches that ooey-gooey, soggy, sorry, limp and tasteless glob of quivering, glowing nuclear fissionable material that would make Kim Il Jong slaver like a rabid dog. Extra nasty, they should have said.

But, that descriptive, while accurate, doesn't sell sandwiches. Maybe they ought to look at trying to sell sandwiches to people on a repeat basis. But that would involve improving the quality. So, with 200 million people in this country, I suppose they can do well tricking them all once.

Huh?

2006-09-24T12:59:00.000-07:00

Free Beer!

2006-09-02T05:37:00.000-07:00
Sandy talks about not really wanting to go to a shindig tonight, but is kind of obligated to. And her husband told her to look on the bright side, "free beer!"

Well, I just can't hear the words "free beer" without thinking back to the only time in my life that I ever ran away from free beer. And I mean literally ran away.

It was back in the eighties, and I was working in a lettershop over in the industrial district of Little Rock. This was pre-kids days, but my first wife was really jealous. I couldn't go anywhere without her giving me the third degree. I swear she had a stopwatch so she could time exactly how long it took me to do what I told her I was doing and then she would calculate if there was any time left over for dalliances. Bless her heart, she has another man to fuss over now.

I had a young fellow that worked for me named Chip. God rest his soul, Chip's dead now. But at this time, Chip's wife was pregnant. Chip asked me, since I had a pick-up truck, if I would take him to pick up a baby bed he had bought out of the paper after work. (This is precisely the type of reason that I don't own a pick-up truck anymore) So yeah, hell yeah, let's go get your bed, boy!

Well, we're driving along after work, on our way to pick up the bed, and Chip suggests that maybe we could stop in at the Whitewater Tavern and have a quick beer. I checked my watch, did some calculations, and determined that I could probably squeeze one beer in if I drove a little faster the rest of the trip. Having made the obligatory calls to the wife, the clock had already started.

So we duck in from the blazing Arkansas summer sun into the cool darkness of the Whitewater Tavern ("come on down, it's at seventh and thayer...") and order a couple of beers. Chip's buying so he brings two bottles of his brand, Busch, over to the table.

About halfway through the beer, a guy in a Miller jacket sidles over to the table and asks, "Ever try Miller Lite?" Well, I may be crazy, but I ain't stupid, so I said, "Nooooo, what's that?"

"Well, I'll get you one," he says as he runs up to the bar and grabs a couple of bottles of Miller Lite, plopping one in front of each of us. This dude is some kind of rep for the Miller company and he's buying everyone in the place beer. Chip and I grinned at each other unable to believe our luck.

We were nearly finished and I was telling Chip that we really needed to go, when the Miller guy comes back over to see how we liked his beer. I told him that we didn't really care for light beer, but thanks anyway. Immediately, without a word, he spun on his heel and ran to the bar and grabbed us two regular Miller Highlife bottles.

I told Chip that this was pretty cool, but we're just going to have to chug these down and get on out. He nodded agreement and turned his bottle up.

Dude comes back. "How's the Miller?"

Chip tells him that while we appreciate his generosity, we really gotta go. Dude says no way, you've got time for another beer and goes and gets us two more. Shit, I ain't smiling no more. Chip and I look at each other and start chugging beer. I'm beginning to feel a bit bloated.

"Surely one more," grins dude as Chip grimly shakes his head and says, "No man, we don't like Miller beer. Sorry." Inwardly I smile thinking that will be the end of that.

"No problem," dude says as he whips over to the bar and grabs us each a bottle of Busch.

I know you're asking, "why didn't you just leave the beer on the table and go?" Well, my momma instilled in me that "eat everything on your plate" kind of don't waste nothing mentality. And to this day it really hurts my Scotch soul to leave anything un-consumed. Maybe that's why I'm getting so fat.

"What the hell are we going to do?" I asked Chip in a low breath.

"Get your beer and follow me," he said.

We took our beers into the bathroom, turned them up and drank them down, tossed the empties in the trash and Chip peeked out of the doorway.

"Come on, let's go!" he said as we bee-lined from the bathroom, out the door and into the scorching summer sun. We laughed like school boys as I gunned it down the freeway. "Hell, that's the only time I ever ran away from free beer in my life!" chip bellowed.

"Me too, my man, me too," I said.

Sounds So Sweet

2006-08-31T10:27:00.000-07:00
There are some young single girls in our office, and you hear a lot of different songs coming from the computers as you make your way here and there. And I noticed a few weeks ago that a song by a band named Hinder has been playing quite a bit. Several times I’d be walking by and hear one young lady or another singing along with the song. And it was obvious that there was some fantasy going on of being the girl on the phone in the song.

Honey why you calling me so late
It's kinda hard to talk right now
Honey why you crying is everything okay

And while I suppose it’s a romantic notion to think of some guy cooing these sorts of things into the phone to you, the song makes it very clear that he’s already taken by another woman.

I gotta whisper cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you

These are the same girls you hear raging and sobbing to each other about whatever girl their “bastard” boyfriend talked to or looked at last night. The same girls that would tell you that only scum would cheat on their wife or girlfriend.

But, I guess in today’s moral climate, it’s okay to have someone else’s lover attracted to you. As long as it’s you.

But you know? I figure if the girl asleep in the next room wakes up and overhears part of this conversation, she’ll be calling all her girlfriends about that son-of-a-bitch boyfriend of hers. She probably won’t understand how romantic it is to be told you have lips of an angel…

One Stop Shopping

2006-08-29T18:53:00.000-07:00
Guns-n-Puppies

Got mine, j'get yours?

2006-08-18T14:26:00.000-07:00
The insidious manner in which the address is written in blue ink, completely different from the black ink the message is written in, leads me to believe that this card was not done specifically for me.

And, as much as I appreciate that I got one at all, it hurts. I've gone through life expecting special treatment and normally get it. One certainly doesn't usually get more than they ask for, so I ask for it all up front. Take the proverbial table with me to keep from leaving anything lying on it.

There's only one woman in this world that would tempt me to leave the little bride and that's Tracy. There now, I've said it. It can't be taken back. You've read it and it's out there for the world to see.

And, all I got was this generic card...

UPDATE
Just so I don't seem completely ungrateful, here's a link to last year's card...
Hamster Stan.

Big Mistakes

2006-08-16T16:10:00.000-07:00
I got this from a dear friend as a sort of "office warming" gift.

Last week, a client pointed out to me that this says it's for "big mistakes made in China," and that it might not work here.

drunk with my newfound power

2006-08-15T17:54:00.000-07:00

I'll even upload pictures of my wife's stupid cat...

Technologically Challenged

2006-08-15T17:13:00.000-07:00
You know, learning how to do things on my computer comes at a dear price, both in time invested and in frustration. And sometimes a little humiliation thrown in for good measure.

For instance, some time back I was led down the primrose path of the "hello" photo uploading and sharing program. It was touted as being the thing for putting your photos on blogger. And I even downloaded the software to my computer to do it.

The trouble with hello is that it's very cumbersome and aggravating to do. See, in order to put more than one photo on a single posting, I would have to upload them individually, and then cut and paste the code from each posting to a single posting and then delete the other posts. At this point in the narrative, feel free to chip in with your, "but you can upload multiple pictures in hello by ..."

Well, it's too late.

This morning, I'm looking at the pics on Sandy's blog, and I notice that she has more than one photo on several of her postings. And, knowing that gal is all about economy, I figure she ain't wasting no keystrokes unneccessarily on this photo stuff. So, I email her with a "what's up?"

Miss Sandy says that she just clicks on the blue thingy, but that's about all she can tell me about that.

A quick search of the blogger pages for blue thingies reveals that in the toolbar of the create post page (a place I would never look) there is indeed a blue thingy that resembles a picture. And, what do you know? When you click on it, it let's you insert as many pictures as you want.

So, to celebrate my new wealth of knowledge, I'm inserting a "watzit." Put on your thinking cap and see if you can figure out what this object is in the photo below:

The world is a changin'

2006-07-06T15:58:00.000-07:00
Now I'm not a tennis fan, so I'm talking about something I know nothing about. And that's not unusual for me. Not that you'd know.

But I'll be danged if they didn't have the Wimbledon match on the televisions at the restaurant where I had lunch today.

And there was a man dressed up like a woman playing against a pretty girl.

This is a man, right?

I think it's sad that this beautiful little waif had to face the humiliation of being beaten by a shemale.

Even as little as I know about it, I'm pretty sure that men aren't allowed to play against women in this tournament. Even ones that dress up like women. Even if they have nice tits. This might be what they call on the internet, a "she-male."

Then, I find out later they let the cross-dresser win. I think they must have French judges at this event.

This, by the way, is my favorite photo of the little darlin'...

2006-07-04T14:51:00.000-07:00

mmmmm...

Thank You For Your Sacrifice

2006-07-04T06:02:00.000-07:00
"The willingness with which our young people are likely to serve in any war, no matter how justified, shall be directly proportional as to how they perceive the Veterans of earlier wars were treated and appreciated by their country."

George Washington

(have a safe and happy fourth of July, wherever you are. And know that we appreciate you.)

Smokin'

2006-07-01T17:53:00.000-07:00
My friend, Sandy posted about smoking and how you should mind your own business when it comes to that subject. And she's right.

I smoked cigarettes for more than 37 years of my life. They were my best friends. They were there for me when I was hungry. They were there for me when I was tired. They helped me out when I was angry, depressed, abused, amused, bored and even elated. They never let me down.

When my son got suspended from school in the seventh grade for having a cigarette lighter, I asked him why the hell he had to take a lighter to school. And he told me that there was no way he could go all day without smoking a cigarette. That he would not and could not make it.

He told me that for years he had begged me not to smoke. And for years he smelled it and choked on it. And that now he was smoking himself, I didn't have much room to talk about it. In a way, he was right.

I quit smoking that day. And, I did it the hard way. I had half a pack in my pocket and half a carton on top of the refrigerator. After two days, I gave the half pack to a fellow smoker. Two weeks later I gave him the rest of the carton.

After all those years, there's still probably a price I'll have to pay, but I hope not.

One of my co-workers was diagnosed last week with acute lung disease. At least 40% loss of lung capacity. They want to put her on oxygen. She's refusing the treatment. "Pray for me," she says. And she keeps smoking.

My little bride still smokes. The smell doesn't bother me, but when she laughs, she's starting to get that smoker's edge. That little old lady that smoked for 50 years sound. And my wife's voice has always been so pretty. So melodic. It's beginning to change. I can hear it in the laugh.

God, that's going to be the one thing I'll really miss. Her beautiful voice. Her beautiful voice...

Nacho Libre

2006-06-18T12:11:00.000-07:00
I like Jack Black. I like pretty much everything I've seen him do. And I intend to watch his new movie, Nacho Libre.

I mentioned this to a friend of mine the other day and he started Laughing. Seems that he was at lunch with a client at a local Mexican restaurant, and they were talking about the movie and how it's supposedly based on a true story about a Lucha Libre wrestler who was actually a priest. I'm told that he became extremely popular in Mexico.

So, when the waitress came to take their orders, he asked her if she had been a fan of Nacho Libre in Mexico. She looked kind of funny and walked back into the kitchen. A few minutes later, another waitress came over to the table and said, "She's married. But she's separated. So, I guess it's okay to ask her out."

I'm not sure what she thought he said, unless it was something similar to noches libre, thinking maybe he wanted to know if she was free that night. But he had a hard time between laughs trying to explain that he didn't want to ask her out.

Quote of the day...

2006-06-05T05:46:00.000-07:00
Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them.

Unknown

Everything Old Is New Again...

2006-05-24T16:10:00.000-07:00
...sooner or later.

Son1 apparently realized that it's kind of hip to wear old rock and roll t-shirts. I guess I kind of saw that coming since you see kids wearing reproductions of Pink Floyd and Led Zepplin stuff all the time now.

So, he comes to me this afternoon and says, "dad, don't you still have some of those old shirts from when you used to work for rock bands?" To which I replied "probably not any that you'd be interested in wearing."

But, underestimating the persistence of youth, I tossed him down three storage boxes of old shirts from the attic to go through. It's unfortunate that I was a skinny little banty rooster in those days, and most of them don't fit him. But after some deliberation, he chose this...

Pyromania Tour, 1983

Whatcha think? Does it make his ass look too big?

Talk to me...

2006-05-12T05:34:00.000-07:00
I don't know who all the little bride has been talking to, but I get at least thirty or forty emails a day from people with strange names like Cialis, saying, "she wants better sex." If it's such a problem, why doesn't she just come to me about it? Dang it, this is embarassing.

Lost Souls

2006-05-09T20:00:00.000-07:00
See, after about twelve or thirty beers, I start feeling all maudlin and shit and wonderin' whats up with my internet friends. Well, I say friends like I've met them and stuff, but we all know that ain't the case so I'm not really sure what you're supposed to actually call this. Maybe folks that I would like for friends if I actually knew them in real life? Okay, we'll stick with that.

Well, I've kind of corresponded and commented with, listened to his music Bitterman for some time and now he's fallen off the face of the earth. Well, now I know why. He's been too busy building this awesome racing bike.

cafe racer

But, now that it's done, he could write something occasionally...

Then, there's Sandy who turns her blog on and off like a damned string of Christmas lights. Little did I know that she has been busy grilling for the whole neighborhood. I guess whatever it takes to keep busy whilst the hubby is deployed...

chillin' and grillin'

I enjoy reading Tracy, and feel really honored when she stoops to comment on my pathetic little blog. Wondered what could have happened to her and, well, it seems she hit the powerball for some big bucks.

powerball winner, Tracy xTx

So, along with her spiffy new hairdo, she's got sweaty, meaty, construction workers at her house putting in her new guest bedrooms. Looks like they're just about finished:

Tracy's guest bedrooms

Heart

2006-05-05T17:59:00.000-07:00
I have a tendency to have a crush on whatever woman I'm around at the moment, and it's much the same with the music I listen to. I may tell you that the female vocalist playing on the sound system at any given moment is the best ever...

But nobody and I mean nobody, sings like Ann Wilson.

This series on VH1 has had some great acts on it, but so far none has approached Heart and Friends. I say this only halfway through the show. If this post begins to seem disjointed, it's because I am distracted.

Good Lord. For women in their fifties these girls are still knockouts. Ann is what Greg Beck would call a "hug and chalk," but she still looks great and her performance absolutely knocks my socks off. Thirty years later I still get chills listening to her.

I first heard Heart in seventy-six, before the band became famous. I was hanging with a friend from work and he was playing Dreamboat Annie on the turntable. I remember it was an odd evening because he, for some reason, decided he wanted to "come out" to me that night. One minute he would tell me that he was gay, I would say that's cool, and then he would back up and say he was just kidding. This went on for a couple of hours until I finally told him that I didn't care if he was gay or not, in fact I preferred that he was because then I would know he wasn't competing with me for the girls. And, he was better looking than me.

But I was hooked on the music and bought a copy of the album.

I remember working for Heart in the early eighties and by eighty-three Ann was starting to approach maximum density. I saw her split her black leather pants on stage one night and back-up, up stage, to let a stagehand tape her crotch with black gaffer's tape. She completed that segment of the set and then went backstage to change clothes.

Other than the "classic rock" stations, Heart pretty much fell off the face of the earth in the nineties. But I can't recommend this VH1 special enough. The only thing that would make it better would be to keep the camera plastered on Nancy. 'Specially if she was nekkid...

Bird Flu Hits United States

2006-04-28T14:42:00.000-07:00
My good friend, Sandy sent me a photo of the havoc being wreaked in Florida by the bird flu. I didn't know it had reached our shores already, but was horrified at the image. Warning: not for the squeamish...

Florida Devastation

Lost Dog

2006-03-30T15:18:00.000-08:00
Son1 pointed out this light pole at lunch today.

"Dang, Dad," he said, "that's sure a lot of lost dogs!"

Backwards Masking

2006-03-28T15:15:00.000-08:00
The little bride tells me that I'm crazy.

While I won't argue that point, I will insist that something just ain't right with the folks that do the closed captions for Christopher Lowell.

The bride likes to watch his show for "decorating tips" but I think she really has fantasies about "converting" him. Just a theory. But back to the point at hand.

If you turn the sound down and start the closed captions, it really seems like some kind of backwards masking is going on. Or something. Something evil. Here's an example of what I'm talking about, you tell me if I'm wrong. If you need a better look, click on the picture and it will get scary big.

ackbards smakcign

Not convinced? Okay, here's another example. What the hell is he saying? Whatever it is, he seems pretty confident about it.

smo asking bamarks

There's something evil afoot. I don't know exactly what. But I don't like it...

Self Taser

2006-03-28T10:21:00.000-08:00
via email this morning...

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100 000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.

The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burned spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

I'm still looking for my testicles. I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock,

Tommy

Blog tribute

2006-03-26T07:34:00.000-08:00
Waiter Rant
The young couple seemed innocent enough when they stepped into the Bistro around 4:30. Certainly no reason not to seat them in the prime window table they requested. After all, it wasn’t reserved until 7:00.

But now they’ve been cooing and making goo-goo eyes for over two hours and I desperately need to free that table up for Mr. Big’s party that is soon to arrive.

“Looks like they’re moving in,” whispers Saroya as she glides into the kitchen. Her section is turning like a clock and I can see her mentally tallying the tips in her head as she chuckles about my misfortune.

I mention to Fluvio that I’ve really got a problem.

“No problem,” he says.

“What do you mean, no problem, Mr. Big will be here any time now.”

I saw a flash in Fluvio’s eye as he reiterated, “no problem.”

My hopes for help were dashed as Fluvio got on the phone and started having what appeared to be an animated conversation.

But, it wasn’t long until Mr. Goo-goo-eyes’ attention was drawn to something on the street through his coveted window seat.

“Crap!” he yelled as he leapt to his feet.

Outside, I could see the tow-truck pulling up to a yuppie BMW.

“Your check, sir,” I smiled as he ran past me out of the door. Fluvio had come through for me after all.

Tracy X
I loves me my yummy frothy frappacino from Starbucks. I could drink them all day except that it would make my thighs as thick as the Michelin Tire Man. But I’m in line at the Starbucks and I’m thinking about how lovely it would be, exciting really, if the Korean Mafia were here and they were reciting haiku to me. And the homeless lady at the back table chimed in and it was like one of those Coke commercials where they teach the world to sing in perfect harmony and everything and then, well, except it’s in haiku and not harmony and then they all take me out for shots. And they’re like putting salt on my cleavage and licking it off and doing tequila shots, even the homeless lady, which is really cool except that my boss who is like the head of the Korean Mafia and all is getting jealous and he fires everybody except me, even the homeless lady, and now I’m in charge of the company but there’s nobody to do the work and everything gets all out of control, you know, and I feel like maybe I don’t really know what I’m doing and then I wake up and it was really a dream and my dog is licking me. He slobbers a lot. But I vaguely smell frappacino and I’m thinking, “WTF?”

Sandy
Me and Francis had been sitting on the porch, her in her swing, me on the other side of the porch in mine, both of us puffing on Virginia Slims cigarettes. I couldn’t see her face, but she let out a big old puff of smoke and said, “Sandy, what in the hell were you thinking when you set that pan of burning grease on my kitchen table? You done ruined it for good now!”

I knew she wouldn’t still be mad at me the next day, but it sure made me feel lower than a toadstool that night. And ever since that day I have known that when the grease catches on fire, you throw that pan out the window. You don’t set it down nowhere. And, if Ailey doesn’t learn another thing from me, I hope that she remembers that lesson for the rest of her life.

Bane
You all know that I am not one to embellish my stories. Everything you read here is the truth. I know that many of you are calling “bullshit” right now, and you’re welcome to go read a safer blog somewhere else. Maybe over at Instapundit or Disney dot com. For all I care you can just chuck your computer and give up on the whole web surfing thing all together. That’s not my problem.

I just know that when I pulled the sixteen inches of cold steel from his throat, the same sixteen inches of steel I had just plunged in to the hilt, the man transformed before my eyes into a crow and flew away.

I resolved that moment never to confront the invisible forces of evil in that manner again. Next time I would go for one of the sixteen pistols I have secreted about my body…

Why?

2006-03-20T19:50:00.000-08:00
How could I stand the idea of a girl with only half a face?

This, this, my friends, is why I answered the ad in Craigslist...

Lance Armstrong Frightens Children and Wildlife

2006-03-17T10:13:00.000-08:00
Well, I don't really have any proof about children, but...

I suppose it's just that time of year. It started several weeks ago when I noticed a thumping noise coming from the kitchen. Investigating, I found a young robin slamming himself into the back door, over and over and over again. Which is kind of funny to watch.

He apparently sees his reflection and considers it to be viable competition for the ladies.

And I don't mind birds and animals kind of doing their thing around here as long as it doesn't interfere with my lifestyle too much, so I figured I could wait him out until he tired of it and finally got him some sweet bird loving to calm him down.

I didn't even mind the streaky marks he's leaving all over the windows so much.

But the problem I've got now, since it's going on for weeks on end is that he sits on the railing and poops in between bouts with the phantom rival.

Which we just can't continue to abide.

He's even taken to bringing a friend along to watch him slam into the window. I don't know if the friend poops on the railing or not, but I'm ready to put a stop to it.

I noticed that when I walk up to the window, they fly away and the thumping stops for a while. Then it starts back up in a bit and continues until I walk in again. This goes on pretty much all day.

So this morning, I see this ad in Newsweek Magazine, "Put on Your Lance Face." It has a big ole, nearly lifesize head of Lance Armstrong.

I tore out the page, taped it to the inside of the window, looking out, and voila!

No more bird headbangers...

At least for now.

UPDATE!
It appears that not only are birds not frightened of Lance Armstrong,

but now it seems to only infuriate the little guy more...

I've got to find myself some pictures of Chuck Norris...

Attractive Customers

2006-03-16T10:25:00.000-08:00
Not in the usual sense, no.

But, I frequently go to lunch with one of my co-workers. And, both of us having adventurous palates, we like to try new and/or exotic restaurants. Today, we tried out a fairly new sushi bar here downtown, and when we got there the place was empty. In fact, two of the wait staff were standing in the doorway as if to try and flag down passing pedestrians.

So, as we're eating our bento, I notice the place is starting to fill up.

I casually mention that this seems to happen everywhere we go. It seems when we start eating somewhere new, it attracts more customers. As a matter of fact, I told him, restaurants should be willing to feed us for free just to get us to come there and increase their business. He, of course, thought that was a capital idea and I could see that he was thinking about how we could market such a concept.

When it came time to pay, he asked the hostess, "Is it always this busy?"

"No," she said, "today is a lot busier than normal."

I gave my friend a knowing look.

"You should feed us for free," he said.

The hostess looked a little confused as she counted out my change. "Well, I guess people are starting to find out about us," she muttered.

So. If you are in the greater Little Rock area, have a restaurant and would like to see your business grow, leave particulars in the comments section of this post about when and where you will feed us for free.

Our guarantee: you must be completely satisfied with the results of feeding us for free and increasing your business, or we won't eat for free in your restaurant ever again!

Do I know you?

2006-03-13T12:43:00.000-08:00
From time to time I notice folks here in Little Rock that have been by to read my drivel, and from Conway and other towns about Arkansas. If you're a local reader, would you drop me a line and let me know how you found me and maybe a little about yourself?

Okay, I'm really curious, who is with GHB&W? Come on, you can tell me...

Ebay Advice

2006-03-10T17:08:00.000-08:00
I have a soft spot in my heart for early glass. I like blown and pressed glass and particularly the Ashburton pattern. There's something about a hundred and fifty year old glass that just feels good. Something that fragile that has survived all those years and I'm drinking wine in it. Or whiskey, or beer...

And, if you come to my house you can drink out of them too. Just don't toss it in the fireplace when you're finished.

It was a really cool thing when I found five water tumblers on eBay in my Ashburton pattern. I placed a ridiculously low bid on them, approximately as much as you'd normally pay for one, and crossed my fingers.

Well I won, and I was pretty pleased with that.

But let me give you a clue, you wannabe ebay tycoons:

If you sell something fragile, don't wrap it in newspaper and toss it in a box.

There's something really sad about opening your box that just came in the mail and finding little neatly wrapped packages of 150 year old glass shards...

I remember...

2006-03-05T06:50:00.000-08:00
Sandy will tell you, I don't do the "me-me" thing very often. And I never pass on those emails that implore you not to break the chain. But I saw this me-me over at Junebug's place and it made me think about all the crap I wrote in people's yearbooks back in high school. If someone asked me to sign their yearbook, I would write a half page or so about all the stuff we had done together. Of course it was stuff like being on the cheerleading squad with them and b.s. designed to make them scratch their heads in future years muttering, "who in the hell was this guy?"

So, without further ado, (and I expect both of the people that read this to respond!) here's the poop:

"If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, (even if we don't speak often or don't really know each other) please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me. It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE. When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you!"

Won't you be my neighbor?

2006-03-02T09:02:00.000-08:00
The neighborhood I work in is, for lack of a better term, eccentric. Naw, a better term might be weird.

And, as the fellow once said, it might be easier to just show you than to try and explain it.

First stop on our tour is just behind our building. All I can say is this guy must be a real fan...

Kiss Car

And then, going down to 15th and Main, there's... well,

discount hookers

I've never actually seen anyone there, so I can't vouch for the quality, but if anyone knows, please fill me in...

The Boy's Ride

2006-03-01T16:24:00.000-08:00
Okay, some of you remember last summer when son1 bought his dream car. Only trouble was, it didn't have an engine, a transmission, tires, and well, lots of things that most of us take for granted. Yeah, he said he was going to save his money and buy all those things and fix it up.

I wasn't really enthusiastic about this plan, knowing that the boy is a lot like me in the procrastination department. And I advised him at the time that he would be better off buying one that was already mostly there, or at least running. Of course he would hear nothing of it. This was, after all, his dream car. And I believe in letting children fail.

So, here we are, the better part of a year later and the only thing he has done to his dream car is install an inner cooler he bought from a junk yard (wtf???)and taken the lenses off of the primered lights. BUT!!!

He did do the saving part.

And, last night he went and bought another car of his dreams with the cash he had saved.

"mitsi"

At least this one has an...

engine!

Uncommon Sense

2006-02-24T07:47:00.000-08:00
I am a huge fan, just can't get enough....

Protector of the Two Party System

2006-02-20T13:10:00.000-08:00
Let's face it, whether they know it or not, Republicans are set on preserving the two party system in America. Why else would Republicans tout family values so loudly?

I mean, if we just keep quiet, encourage everyone who wants an abortion to get one and legalize same-sex marriage, within a generation there won't be any Democrats.

Second Amendment Target Tour - Leg 5

2006-02-20T12:24:00.000-08:00
The target is looking for a new place to stop off...send in your pics and get your turn.

"You got your peanut butter in my chocolate..."

2006-02-17T05:44:00.000-08:00

They've combined two things I like together and made both of them better.

Why wasn't I told about this before?

Zep

2006-02-16T16:24:00.000-08:00

Bane posts on one of, if not the greatest rock band of all time. Can't say as I agree with him on the "faggot" part, having been around them back in the mid seventies due to my work, but I agree totally..."but oh, the music."

Rasselin'

2006-02-16T11:22:00.000-08:00
In my youth, wrestling was still fairly underground as an entertainment. The days of Gorgeous George. Matches took place in smokey basements of the local auditorium and the folks that went took them very seriously.

I wouldn't of thought about this except for Sandy brought it up.

I had friends that told deathly tales of mayhem and humiliation and made me want to go so bad, but my folks were above such things and we stayed away. As I grew, we would sometimes argue about whether it was fake or not. And it was years before I became convinced that it was.

When son1 was a wee tad of a boy, he was fascinated with wrestling and just would not listen to reason about how fake it was. So I decided to set up a little demonstration.

We were watching wrestling on television one Saturday and one of the wrestlers would jump up on the ropes and leap off onto the other unsuspecting guy and cream him right to the mat. I told son1, "how on earth you think that guy didn't see that coming?"

He wasn't convinced. So I climbed up on the couch until I was standing on the back of it and told him, "Stand right there while I jump on you."

I knew darned well that by the time I launched myself from that sofa, he would run away and I could say, "what makes you think you're faster than those wrestling guys?"

About that time the couch tipped over backwards, flinging me forward in a prone position parallel to the floor, barking my shins and causing me to land painfully across the sofa which was now laying on its back, my face skinned and flattened on the floor.

And, as predicted, son1 moved deftly aside in deference to my landing.

When son1 finally quit laughing he admitted that maybe I had a point. The little bride told me that he was only saying that to make me feel better and then told son1 that wrestling was real no matter what daddy says. I've pretty much stayed out of the discussion ever since.

Free For All

2006-02-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

Now where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom
(2 Cor. 3:17).

2006-02-11T17:32:00.000-08:00

Still Life

Dr. Livingstone, I presume?

2006-02-10T06:15:00.000-08:00
V-man opines that the story of Stanley and Livingstone would have made a great movie. And he's probably right, as usual.

His fear is that, made today, the story would be debauched. But of course, that already happened more than 100 years ago. The whole episode was nothing more than a publicity stunt to begin with.

Stanley, a native of Wales, had come to the United States to seek his fortune, somehow wound up here in Arkansas at the outbreak of our late unpleasantness, and enlisted in Company A, Capitol Guards, 6th Arkansas Infantry.

Captured first time out of the chute, he found it expedient to renounce his loyalty to the noble lost cause and enlisted in the Union Army.

Later, as a reporter for the New York Herald, he endeavored to spend as much of the newspapers fortune as possible, hiring thousands of porters and guides to help him find someone who was not lost and then insinuated himself into the poor man's entourage forcing him to share some of the limelight in his discoveries.

He then became a serial killer in Africa before returning to Europe to marry an Ann Heche type artist and go into politics. He died in 1904 gasping, "St. Peter, I presume?"

Convictions

2006-02-09T05:49:00.000-08:00
"To be one's self, and unafraid whether right or wrong, is more admirable than the easy cowardice of surrender to conformity."

Irving Wallace

There is a segment of our society, and a large one, that cares not about convictions or even right and wrong. They just need to be made to feel good. Don't rock the boat and tell me feelgood things.

These people adored Bill Clinton as president because he never did anything out of principle. He will be most noted for his indiscretions than for his statesmanship. His failures to act rather than his accomplishments. He left a lot of people bewildered. And he made a lot of people feel good.

This is why there is such an irrational hatred of President Bush. History will tell if he has been right or wrong, but he has not wavered from the course of his convictions no matter what the criticism. He doesn't tell us meaningless things to make us feel good.

And I am thankful to a just God that we have a man of conviction as our leader and pray that God direct his footsteps as he leads. And, I believe He has.

Do I Know You?

2006-02-08T17:24:00.000-08:00
Lately, I've seen on several blogs a reference to pissing people off that you have never met. The internet is good for that.

I found it out shortly after I started buying stuff on eBay. A friend of mine who knew that I used the name"circa bellum" on eBay called me one day. He had been shopping in an antique store here locally.

He told me that some dude came in and was talking with the owner of the store. He said that he was on his way from Ohio to Texas and by the way, did he know of anybody locally that went by the name circa bellum on eBay?

This perked my friends ears up, so he starts listening more carefully.

The store owner shakes his head and says, "no, never heard of him." And, the dude says, "well, that son of a bitch out bids me on everything I bid on!"

When I heard that, I said, "Well, the internet allows me to go beyond just pissing off people on a local scale. It allows you to piss off folks globally!"

And, it does.

Dont Ask How I Know...

2006-02-07T05:57:00.000-08:00
"...Just know that I do."

"There's nothing worse than achieving your martyrdom and disappointing 72 virgins at once."

Emotional Currency

2006-02-04T12:15:00.000-08:00
For your entertainment, I present a trick that I like to play for the kids. They seem to get a kick out of it and I figured if you haven't seen it before you might want to see it now.

We're going to make George laugh and cry. To do this, use a one dollar bill. It's best if it's one that's not too wrinkled up. The crisper the paper, the better.

Fold the bill right through George's left eye like this:

Then fold the bill right through his other eye and crease them pretty good. Next, bring the two folds together and make a third crease going the other way between them. Like an accordion:

Then, pull them slightly apart, not straightening them out completely, and tilt the bill away and then toward you. Tilting it away makes him laugh:

And tilting it toward you makes him cry:

Remember New Orleans

2006-02-03T06:01:00.000-08:00

"How a politician stands on the Second Amendment tells you how he or she views you as an individual... as a trustworthy and productive citizen, or as part of an unruly crowd that needs to be lorded over, controlled, supervised, and taken care of."
Texas State Representative Suzanna Hupp

thanks, and a tip of the ol' Hatlo hat to Dave Nall.

eBay's Back!

2006-01-27T14:28:00.000-08:00
I took a couple of years off, basically, from eBay when collectibles kind of tanked after the “panic” of 2000. By 2003 it just got where it wasn’t worth putting anything on for the return on investment.

I started buying on eBay in 1998, and found antique photographs to be severely under-priced. I snapped them up for nearly a year and then it seemed I couldn’t buy them anymore. The prices got too high.

So, I started putting them back out for sale on eBay and ended up turning a tidy profit. There were still lots of bargains out there, you just had to scrounge around odd areas of eBay and look for things that weren’t described right. This turned items like the “pair of brothers in school uniforms” for $50.00 into the Confederate Texas soldier brothers that sold on eBay for $1100.00 in 1999.

If you are industrious, you can root out categories that are still underpriced and buy in them. I’m told by my inside sources that old vinyl records are depressed on eBay right now and a great buy. Unfortunately, I don’t know enough about them to pursue that. But I did go through several categories over the past years like coin silver, glass, pottery, coins, and lamps - buying while the buying was good, and selling when it got too high to buy anymore.

And that’s where we seem to be now. I can’t seem to buy a damned thing on eBay now, so I’m going to start putting it out again. If you have any interest, go have a look at my auctions. Just click this link and I’ll see you there!

I smell coffee...

2006-01-20T10:55:00.000-08:00

Velociman pines for an old time percolator. I can't say as I blame him.

It's a taste that can't be duplicated elsewise.

I have an old stovetop percolator (in the South, pronounced: purr' cue lay' tur) that I take camping, and it makes a mean pot of coffee over a campfire. Yes, I know the purists say dump it in the pan and toss in some egg shells, but I'm funny this way.

But pictured above, is our fancy-go-to-meetin' percolator.

The little bride found it at a flea market some time back, and it makes a wonderful pot of coffee that never ceases to amaze visitors.

Of course, most have never seen one of these jewels, but old farts like me and V. remember sitting around with the folks, amorning, and drinking coffee from a percolator. Even the sound it makes is friendlier than that awful drip thing on the kitchen counter.

This one is circa 1940's and is trying to emulate a silver coffee set. Notice the tray, creamer and sugar. I didn't dig out the cord because I assume you assumed there is one. There is. It fits to the two prongs on the base. Just like on grandma's iron.

On second thought, I'm going to get the cord out and make me a pot of coffee.

Paris Hilton Shows Off Her New Shoes...

2006-01-19T16:01:00.000-08:00
Asked, "where'd ya get those shoes?!" Paris pulled her skirt back for a better peek and blushed, "Overstock dot com, silly. It's all about the 'OH'..."

See? That's why...

2006-01-14T06:33:00.000-08:00
This is why it's a good idea not to ever own a firearm that is registered in your name. Hell, it might even be a good idea to never get a hunting license either. It's why it should never be any business of the government to even know if you own firearms or not.

Finders fee to Bane

Happy Kwanzaa

2005-12-29T15:20:00.000-08:00
A movement that started approximately 2,000 years before Kwanzaa leaps well beyond mere "unity" and "faith" to proclaim that we are all equal before God. "There is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28). It was practitioners of that faith who were at the forefront of the abolitionist and civil-rights movements. But that's all been washed down the memory hole, along with the true origins of Kwanzaa.

Shake the Snow Globe

2005-12-26T10:49:00.000-08:00

Christmas Morn

2005-12-25T06:17:00.000-08:00
The sons seem pretty happy this morning. Son2 racked up on the Lego and video game front but son1 could not have imagined what his present from Santa would be this year.

It happened a couple of weeks ago. One of those right place, right time sort of events.

The Bride was doing some last minute shopping at Target, fingering all of the DVD's and PS2 games, trying to come up with some ideas, when she sees a man taking an XBox 360 up to the cash register. We're not so sheltered as to have not been aware of the hoopla over not being able to get these things.

So, she moseys up to the cash register and asks, "You have XBox 360s?"

"Well, we're not advertising them," replied the pimply-faced clerk, "but I have one left. Want it?"

The little Bride began to tremble as she nodded her assent. She later said it was one of those situations where you don't even think about it, you just act. I guess she has spidey sense when it comes to shopping.

So, fast forward to today. Son1, who has been working full time for about six months now, had mentioned that he wanted to buy an XBox 360 with his last paycheck, but "you can't get them."

The expression on his face this morning made it all worthwhile.

Temporary Safety

2005-12-24T04:49:00.000-08:00
All I’ve been seeing for the last few weeks, and from some folks I respect and admire, is a rant about how we must renew the Patriot Act. Fingers are pointed, accusations made and the bottom party line seems to be, “if it bugs a bunch of whiny pussies to have their civil liberties violated in order to keep our country safe and free from Islamoterrorists, then so be it.”

Then there’s usually some sort of comparison to liberals wanting to take away our freedoms being the ones to yell loudest.

Shame. Shame on you.

You are the same ones screaming bloody murder about criminals being released from jail on technicalities.

Well folks, those technicalities happen to be our United States Constitution. And any of you idiots, right or left, who think our founding fathers weren’t smart enough to foresee modern times, and that the constitution is outdated and quaint, couldn’t be more wrong.

Those technicalities are what keeps us free. They are what separates us from the rest of the world. They are in fact what makes us the most successful country on the planet.

I kind of like the “technicality” that our government can’t spy on me without clearing it with a judge first. I think it’s fitting that they can’t come into my home on a whim and snoop through my belongings. I’m pretty enamored of the idea that they can’t drag me from my home and keep me in a cell somewhere for years without charging me with a crime.

And, if some bearded idiot with a checkered do-rag commits a crime in this country because I enjoy these freedoms, so be it. When we give up our freedoms to protect ourselves from them, they win.

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Benjamin Franklin

Trout Fishing in America

2005-12-12T11:33:00.000-08:00
This article on trout fishing in Arkanasas made me remember back going trout fishing on the White River and being warned to get your boat out of the water "cuz they's gonna start generatin' up at the dam."

The river starts to flow pretty hard when they do that and a little trolling motor ain't much help...

link tip via Fly Fish Magazine.

Shoe Flinging Part II

2005-12-12T06:40:00.000-08:00
Since my post on flinging shoes across power lines aired last week, inside sources tell me about an oddly local custom of flinging shoes into a tree up in the mountains.

To further complicate things, the tree was downed in a storm and now confused shoe flingers are tossing into any old tree...

Register Your Guns

2005-12-10T07:05:00.000-08:00
It happened in Australia, and now it's happening in Canada.

It will happen here. Be prepared.

School Days

2005-12-08T17:14:00.000-08:00
Son2 has a couple of friends across the street he walks to school with. I think they make a pretty swell looking group. Don't you?

Friendly Advice

2005-12-08T14:57:00.000-08:00
Here's some things that were pointed out to me that you should keep in mind if you ain't from around here...

Advice for first time visitors to Arkansas:

1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a 'gravel road,' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need it... not just to keep up with the neighbors.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we shot Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt whipped by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flatheadcatfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little trout you fish for -- bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what you pay for one drink at the airport.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice!

11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive pickups, trucks and tractors because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?

14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp too -- and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 40 and 30 go East & West; Interstate 55 goes North & South. Pick one and use it accordingly.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pickup, waves. It's called being friendly.

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazard. It spooks the fish.

19. That Highway Patrol Officer who just pulled you over for driving like an idiot .. his name is "Sir"... no matter how old he is.

Now please, enjoy your visit. Just don't overdo your stay.

Shoe Flinging

2005-12-08T13:50:00.000-08:00
It’s one of the great mysteries of urban life: Why do people throw sneakers across power lines? At last, we have an answer.

Unfortunately, it’s not a very satisfying one. The New York Times recently interviewed a New York sneaker-thrower, and his explanation was that, well, he had some old sneakers and the power lines were there. If this sounds familiar, it’s the same reason that graffiti vandals give: I have this can of Krylon and the wall is there.

Background: You’ve undoubtedly noticed that, in some urban areas, there are sneakers dangling from power lines, often in the middle of the street. It’s clear that somebody took the trouble to tie sneakers at their laces and toss them over the lines. But why?

Common beliefs: Sneakers mark gang territory or maybe places to buy drugs. But New York police officers say it isn’t so. Drug corners aren’t “the sort of thing that people advertise by leaving a sign,” a police spokesperson told the Times.

So the Times went to the source, a 16-year-old sneaker-thrower named Christopher Campbell, who lives in the Bronx. In Christopher’s neighborhood, there’s an intersection with 40 pairs of sneakers dangling from overhead wires. Why would Christopher and his pals go to such trouble? Simply to tell the world that they were there, he said. “We really don’t care who likes it or not,” he said. “This is something for us.” Someday, Christopher mused, he’d like to come back to his old neighborhood, remember the good times and see his old Reeboks swaying in the breeze.

Footnote: Con Edison, the power company, doesn’t like sneakers on its wires and removes them when it finds them. And neighborhood people, too, find the practice offensive. “I think it’s disgusting,” said one woman who lives near the 40-sneaker wires. Is sneaker-tossing illegal? That’s not clear, but it could be considered a form of criminal mischief, a police official told the Times.

I found this interesting tidbit at Civic Strategies.

Happiness is a Present Condition...

2005-12-08T08:05:00.000-08:00
I've always striven to be happy wherever I am. To have fun, whatever I'm doing. And, blissfully ignorant of what others think about me.

These traits will enable you to work for a company like this for many years and not realize how unhappy you really have become.

The guy in the corner over there, the one who has been following my blog since I began it, knows that I escaped such a company a few years ago by being tossed out on my ass. The great thing about that was, I woke up and realized that to be really happy, I needed to be as independent as possible.

I need to be able to work as a greeter at Wal-Mart, and still be okay financially.

I'm working hard at that goal, and am making great progress. And, I'm feeling freer now than I ever did at twenty-one...